We are all aware of how great relationships impact our lives. Relationships take on many forms. Some of these are work relationships, romantic relationships, friendships, acquaintances, business partnerships, and marriage. When our needs are being met, we perceive that our relationships are going well and feel as though we are happy. When one or more of our relationships are strained we may get concerned. When a multitude of our life relationships are not performing for us, then we may feel that life isn’t that great. We lament how things never work out, or I’m not lovable, or he or she just doesn’t understand me or my partner is a selfish bastard or the employees are just out for themselves. This is likely based on what we may or may not be receiving from the relationship, right?
Perhaps a different perspective is needed in order to create and maintain masterful, effective relationships in our lives. Perhaps it all begins with a different view on our connection with the people in our lives. You have heard the expression “it’s all about me”, maybe “it’s all about them”. Perhaps creating real connections with the people in our lives is really about shifting from a focus on what we need and focusing on what others need and want. Everyone is the star of his or her own movie; allow them to be the star. Earn the Oscar for best supporting actor in their movie (life) and see how that works. This approach may even invite them to be the supporting actor in your movie.
Here is another perspective change that could help create great relationships. Try this on; It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about what’s effective. Not just at work but in our personal relationships as well. Would you rather be right with your significant other, or would you rather be loved! Would you rather be right at work or would you rather be respected as a steward of the organization’s resources to find a solution to problems, regardless of who authors the solutions. How about being a shepherd of the process rather than the decision maker. What would that do for your relationships at work? Isn’t being right about winning, and isn’t winning about our ego? Winning is not bad, it’s just not always effective in important relationships, is it? Think about the times you won the battle but lost the war. You know what I am talking about. You won the argument, or the decision, but you lost on a much more significant front. You lost personal ground with someone important to you. Yes, it is important to stand up for what we believe in when values are at stake. I would submit that your approach and looking at the bigger relationship picture could help you win and be effective.
Why do we always need to win, even if it costs us our relationships, sometimes the most precious ones? Ego, ego, ego, that’s why! How about replacing the ego motivation in our relationships with our true core values instead. Values in place of ego! Give it a try and see how effective your relationships become. Truly masterful, quality, effective relationships are always fueled by core values instead of ego.
